I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
