I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.