So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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