pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
