what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
