I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we made out on top of his cat.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
