Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
