the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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