There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
