you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
lol hangovers are for mortals.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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