Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
