Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
