Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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