It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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