Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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