I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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