i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
