Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
