so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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