Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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