The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
