You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
