i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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