two words...techno handjob
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
