He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
