Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
