i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
