the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
