He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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