Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
