I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
