Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
