Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
