So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
