i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
