party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
