one two three fourrrrnication!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My life is pants optional.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
