just tell him i said nine months
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
