The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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