sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
