You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
