new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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