making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
