I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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