I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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