my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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