so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
