i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
