sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
