So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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