Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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