Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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