I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
