my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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