I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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