I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
