Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
