I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
