We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
