So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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