you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
