I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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