11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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