life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
