I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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