There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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