Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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