i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"