He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.