that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...