upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it