Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.