There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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