I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
