Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
