chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
