I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
