I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
