I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
