Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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