Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
