____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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