Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Two words: blizzard sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
