Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
