Non-Jews are for practice
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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