Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
