I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
