I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
