if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
