Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
