In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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