well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
