I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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