Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
