Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
